Really? They have to pay for dinner!

by Debbie B.
(Matteson,IL)

Dear Miss Manners,

I have a guestion involving my daughter's mother-in law and the fact that she expects money from her son and my daughter. My son- in- laws sister,brother-in-law and their four children are having a Christmas celebration this coming weekend. The mother-in-law told her son that they are expected to pay her a certain amount of money for hosting this celebration in her home which was her idea. What do I tell my daughter? I am beyond appalled. They have been together eighteen years and now this? Thank you in advance for your advice.

Confused in Illinois.

P.S. They also have three children and have contributed home made desserts and appetizers in the past for these celebrations.

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In laws
by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Debbie~

I apologize for not getting my response to you in time for the holidays.

Your daughter's mother-in-law seemingly exhibits appalling manners. It is inappropriate to invite someone to an affair in your home and then request they pay for it. If one expects their guests to pay their own way, it t should be made clear at the time of the invitation when the invited guest has the opportunity to decline the invitation. Do you have any idea why this change occurred? Has something happened between her and her son or your daughter? Are your son-in-law and daughter as upset as you seem to be?

In any case, your daughter and son-in-law may decline the invitation if they wish. Or they might want to express their surprise to the host and ask why the change. Family can be fragile. Somedays it requires careful handling until we have some answers.

Thank you for your inquiry. I do hope this can be worked out so everyone stays cordial with each other.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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