Hurt by a friend

by Anna
(New York)

I was introduced to a gal who had no American friends in this country. I invited her into my tennis group; invited her to every social event I could think of and spent many weekends with her so she wouldn't be lonely. She is now getting married and is using one of my friends as the person to throw her bridal shower. This third person was one I also helped through a divorce and was there for her through thick and thin. I introduced these two gals and now all of a sudden person number three has become person number two's go to person and I would say her maid of honor. Talk about hurt. What should I do?

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Friendship Expectations
by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Anna,

You have been generous with your time and supported your friends. Now you feel they are not appropriately grateful. Good manners direct one to be of service to others without recognition or reward, but simply for the act of giving. Perhaps your friends perceived your actions in that way and are grateful to you for many things, including your introducing your friends to each other. There is nothing you can “do” except wish them well. If you want to “do” something, examine how you position yourself with these women. Is it possible you act as an authority figure? If so, maybe they do not see you as an equal friend, but as a person in a leadership role that transcends friendship?

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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